Requim Of The Ice King
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: The Ice King is at it again, kidnapping Princess Bubblegum as Finn and Jake give chase. But this time, he stands up and fights like a real man... or does he?
1. Chapter 1

**Requim Of The Ice King**

**By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: ...I completely blame the damn heat for me being absolutely lazy. So everyone, I humbly apologize for taking so long. Anyway, here's a little something to **cool** you off. Heh heh, cool, that's pr**ice**less.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to their owners.

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The grumpy Ice King was at it again as he took Princess Bubblegum into his cold, isolated lair of evil. Of course, Finn and Jake were HOT on his tail.

"Curses! They're right behind me!" The Ice King snarled as he tried going faster. "Hoo... age has not been kind to me..."

"Let her go, you ugly bag of ice!" Finn shouted as he flailed his long, skinny arms about.

The Ice King laughed as he ignored Finn's shout. "I'm the Ice King! I do what I want!"

"Then why are you still trying to snatch princesses?" Jake asked as he ran alongside Finn (because he was tired of carrying Finn's fat ass on his back all the time).

"Well... that's a personal question." The Ice King simply responded as he went around the snake curve leading uphill to his lair.

"No, Jake's got a good point. Shouldn't you be finding a queen?" Finn added as he rubbed his head.

The Ice King briefly stopped, looking up at Princess Bubblegum as he pondered. "Uhh..." He coughed as he rubbed the back of his head. "I have problems with women around my age..."

"So basically, you're absolutely fine with being a pedophile." Jake responded as he sighed.

The Ice King gawked as he shook his head. "No, no! That's not what I mean-"

Jake punched the Ice King with his right fist, having extended it out to be able to reach him. This caused the Ice King to head straight into his castle, with Princess Bubblegum still in his possession. "Shut up, wind bag! And while I'm at it, bite my shiny, yellow ass!"

The Ice King moaned as he shook his head, getting up and placing the tied up Princess Bubblegum behind the bars of his newly installed prison cell. Finn and Jake just arrived, but the Ice King was prepared as he got out several sponges.

"Now let's make this a little spongier!" The Ice King stated as he laughed, a certain voice echoing from the laughter as Finn and Jake lunged towards him.


	2. Chapter 2

The Ice King tossed the sponges at Finn and Jake, squarely getting them. Jake got up and turned giant, but the Ice King was quick and froze Jake in his tracks. Finn got up and punched the Ice King right in the face, causing the cold wizard to stumble backwards. Rubbing some blood out of his mouth, the Ice King braced himself as Finn lunged at him, punching him several more times. Princess Bubblegum cheered as Finn had the upperhand, but the Ice King suddenly vanished, appearing behind Finn and kicking him in the butt.

"You won't best me today... or any other day!" The Ice King stated as he fired ice bolts at Finn.

Finn gasped as he kept running around the lair, dodging the icy bolts that struck at him. He attempted another punch towards the Ice King, but the Ice King rolled out of the way, zapping Finn from behind and freezing him. The Ice King triumphally laughed as he grabbed the encased Finn and placed him next to the encased Jake, locking both of them in the closet nearby as he raised his arms in the air, laughing evilly.

"At last! I have finally won!" The Ice King exclaimed joyfully as he froze the closet, to ensure that Finn and Jake wouldn't try and get out. He then turned to Princess Bubblegum, smirking deviously. "And now, my pretty... time to get that marriage proposal!"

Princess Bubblegum screamed for help as the Ice King evilly laughed. Lady Rainicorn, who was flying overhead of the Ice King's lair, screeched as she came speeding towards the tower, but the Ice King managed to zap her, freezing her in ice. The Ice King then used some of his magic to place the frozen Lady Rainocorn in a jail cell, locking it up as he planned to resume with his plan.


	3. Chapter 3

The Ice King laughed triumphally as he waved his skinny arms in the air, having frozen Finn, Jake, and Lady Rainicorn in their tracks as he had them frozen in extremely secured places. His fellow penguin, Gunther, appeared as he tugged the Ice King's bluish robe from behind cheeping. The Ice King stopped laughing as he turned around, smiling as he patted Gunther.

"Oh Gunther, you should have seen it!" The Ice King told him as he kneeled down, sighing of relief as he felt proud of himself, "I actually beat that darn fat kid with his stupid hat and his meddling dog! I finally found some well deserved justice!" He laughed as he tipped his fingertips together, slowly turning to face Princess Bubblegum. "And now, my sweetheart, we come to the part where-"

Princess Bubblegum blew a rasberry at the Ice King as she turned her head away to the right. "Forget it, you patoot! I refuse to marry you!"

The Ice King sighed as he approached Princess Bubblegum, slapping her across the face. "Young lady, I don't appreciate rudeness in my lair," He scolded her as he shook his head at her, folding his arms.

Princess Bubblegum sniffled as she started crying her eyes out. The Ice King groaned as he covered his ears. Gunther did the same, even though his eardrums weren't actually visible.

""I'm beginning to realize that kidnapping Princess Bubblegum over all the other princesses was a bad idea!" The Ice King shouted as he snapped his fingers, getting an idea. "Wait, that's it!" He froze Princess Bubblegum, causing her to stop crying. Seeing the plan work, the Ice King sighed of relief as he wiped his forehead, satisfied. "Good. That takes care of that. Now then..." He whistled as he headed in his closet to change, while Gunther watched other the main corridor, curious as he looked at the frozen Princess Bubblegum.


	4. Chapter 4

The Ice King came back out, wearing nothing but his underwear, his extremely skinny body revealed as he approached the frozen block of ice containing Princess Bubblegum. He sighed as he glanced at Gunther, who looked back at him. Sighing, the Ice King rubbed the block of ice as he proceeded to sit in his icy throne, pondering about what to do.

"Look at me, Gunther. For years and years, have I proudly ruled this land with a frozen fist," The Ice King started as he pounded his right fist on the icy throne, "I have practically everything, yet I am still not happy. All I'm missing is that of a wife... is it too hard to ask?" He sighed as he began to quietly sniffle, covering his face with his hands.

Gunther frowned as he approached the Ice King, comfrting him the best way he could as silence echoed within the icy lair, Princess Bubblegum remaining frozen in her crying state. The Ice King stopped, looking at Gunther and smiling as he patted the loyal penguin on the head.

"But you, Gunther. No matter the perils, you'll always be by my side..." The Ice King muttered as he smiled, opening up his arms for a hug.

Gunther chirped happily as he jumped onto the icy throne, hugging the Ice King tightly. The Ice King felt tears of joy slowly falling from his eyes as he gave Gunther a nice, warm hug, the silence being very much appreciated as the two continued hugging each other closely for quite some time.


	5. Chapter 5

The Ice King stood up as he decided to do something productive. Looking down at Gunther, he patted the leader penguin on the head as he headed downstairs.

"I'll be right back, Gunther," The Ice King basically shouted back to Gunther as he went to get some stuff.

Gunther blinked as he titled his head to the right, seeing the Ice King come back out with a keyboard. Gunther watched as the Ice King placed the keyboard on a wooden table, laying out several extra keys as he installed them, using his ice magic to freeze them onto the spot. He turned to Gunther, smiling as he motioned his right hand.

"Come, Gunther! I'll show you how I play my lean keyboard!" The Ice King started as he cracked his knuckles, takking out a bag of trail mix from under his beard and eating one piece as he placed it back, coughing a bit as he began playing.

Curious, Gunther cuddled next to the Ice King, listening to the Ice King making interesting music with the keyboard, seemingly by magic.


	6. Chapter 6

The Ice King was now surfing the web for some interesting things as Gunther was making ice burgers on the frozen grill. His mind at absolute peace, the Ice King wondered what to do as he relaxed in his frozen throne.

"Oh Gunther, should I perhaps buy a new robe? My old robe seems kind of... fat," The Ice King suggested, showing that he was, in fact, looked over to the Ice King, and merely shrugged as he continued making the frozen burgers, flipping them over as two other penguins brought in the buns and lettuce.

The Ice King opened up his blog, licking his white beard as he began typing on his keyboard. "So far, there's been no sign of productivity around the Ice ingdom. I presume that everywhere surrounding here must be rather silent." He tapped his beard as he pondered what to write, glancing back at Gunther again. "Hey Gunther, make sure not to put any cheese on my burgers, all right? I can't stand it."

Gunther nodded as he placed the Ice King's burgers on the buns with lettuce, not placing on the cheese as he sprinkled the patty with salt, even though the burger meat was frozen solid ice. Gunther then handed the Ice King the plate containing the two burgers, with the Ice King taking one and munching on it.

"Mmm... needs a tad bit more ketchup," The Ice King suggested as he patted Gunther on the head, still smiling, "But hey, at least you did the burgers right!"

Meanwhile, at the window was a prominent evil more dastardly than the Ice King, chuckling as his bright white eyes gleamed while he watched the Ice King eat the delicious frozen icy burger.


	7. Chapter 7

The Ice King was munching on his third frozen icy burger as Gunther made more ice burgers, the other penguins coming in and munching down on the burgers as well as the Ice King continued typing on his personal blog. A strange enchanting laugh was heard as it moved through the icy ceiling, raising awareness to the Ice King, who looked up in confusion, scratching his head after taking a third bite into his burger.

"What the heck was that?" The Ice King asked as he got up, scratching his head in confusion. "Come show yourself, stranger... I'm not afraid to-"

As he sat back down, the entire room when pitch black. The Ice King screamed as he fired ice lightning bolts everywhere, but they missed, hitting the icicle walls instead. Laughter was heard as the lights came back on, with the Ice King getting on his feet as a green colored man in a yellow coat with a yellow hat revealed himself.

"Ice King! You have been having too much fun with your blog! Now, feel the wrath of the Magic Man!" The Magic Man exclaimed as he tossed rainbow colored confetti into the air, red and yellow steamers coming down from nowhere as white and purple seizures occurred.

The Ice King scoffed as he rolled his eyes, folding his arms. "As if! I'm not afraid of you. I'm older than six hundred years old!"

The Magic Man laughed as he tossed several green blasts of magic at the Ice King, but the Ice King dodged them. The Magic Man whistled as he stated, clapping his hands together as he caused a purple yellow seizure, "Oooh, a smooth dodger! I'm going to like this!"

The Ice King growled as he dodged another green magic blast, tossing two icicle lightning bolts at the Magic Man. "You irresponsible cretin! At least use your magic properly!" The Ice King shouted back as he flopped on the floor, dodging another green magic blast.

The penguins watched with delight while eating their ice frozen burgers as the Ice King and the Magic Man had an epic magical duel.


End file.
